Shout Out

This blog is dedicated to all of
the people in my life who are supportive and caring and joining in on the journey to a healthier and balanced self.
Many of them deserve shout outs because...well...because...they seem to have changed their own eating habits in order to get shout outs on the blog. If you are that dedicated to this blog then here goes:
Marg: SHOUT OUT!!! loud and clear for bringing peppers and popcorn to our Broadway show last night and helping me to avoid the M&Ms at the concession stand. I guess the economy deserves a shout out too, because frankly I can't afford concessions in the city during these tough economic times.
Sara: SHOUT OUT!!! loud and clear for swapping soup with me this week, and for offering to make grilled chicken for the Shabbos meal. I am certain you heard that down the block.
Esther P: SHOUT OUT!!! loud and clear for, well I can't really remember exactly what for...hmmm... for being my friend. (she won't mind, she is too busy to read the blog, but in case you do, shout out for being you)
This could go on forever but I will stop here...
I am off to bed because I have had a long and busy week and I know I make better choices when I am not so tired.
Have a great Shabbos and remember if you do something because you want a shout out, I respect and appreciate that. Mitoch Shelo Lshma Ba Lshma.
SK
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you’re hungry again"
- George Miller

Google It.

The good news: I lost 1.6lbs at my last weigh in.
And now you are waiting for the bad news and the better news is that there is no bad news. I just started the blog that way and got to thinking that everyone will be expecting bad news. There is none, my car is currently cleaner because the snow has wiped away all of the stuff. Thanks, G-d.
I have been super busy the past few days and I have very little time to write right now because I am on my way out the door. I just couldn't pass up the oppotunity to update yall on the weight loss. Go me. I am still struggling with the balance but obviously when you lose instead of gain it is easier to stay focused.
I learned last night (thanks, Ilana) that if I ever move out of the US it will be to Australia. Why, you might ask?
In Australia I would only weigh about 11 stones.
Have a great one guys.
SK

A Matter of Perspective

Sorry I have been remiss in blogging for a few days. I needed a break from the diet obsession. I find that when I have a few weeks of gaining I am not as eager to continue. Also its been like 6 weeks and I am just not that strong.
I feel like what's it all for? To wear one size smaller? To feel a bit thinner? Is it going to change who I am as a person? Am I losing sight of what is most important in my life?
On the other side, when I get to thinking like that I find that it is a slippery slope. That if I am realistic and decide that i don't want to be in such good control, I let it slide right by and I am 10 lbs heavier in two weeks.
I know its about balance and that is why I am not giving up. I am thinking about plataeuing-like just staying here, in control, but not necessarily "dieting" and forgiving myself one week of not losing. I know I just gained and I want to get that off but I also want to avoid becoming obsessed with the diet.
I had a totally non diet related experience that I think can become related to dieting and I really want to share it because it was just so classic.
Yesterday I had my car washed. "Stacy" is my Mini and she was filthy from all the snow and salt and sand and I really could not see out the windows because she was so dirty. So I finally took her in for her wash and she looks amazing! So clean inside and out and fresh and sparkly. I am ok with the fact that it is going to snow again but at least it won't be more grime on grime.
I leave work and go to my car tonight and as I am walking I am thinking, that is weird. There are no leaves on the trees to have fallen on my car. I get closer and I realize that birds must have seen how shiny my car was and decided to use it as their toilet for today. Like every single bird in NYC needed to go on MY car, today, the day after I spent $20 on getting her clean. I am not even exaggerating. My car is covered. Roof, hood windows, windshield, rear window. So, so gross.
I got to thinking...
It's a mashal for life. Just when you think you have it made, the birds come pooping down...
Sorry that is awful..
But here is the positive spin. I was actually laughing that it happened because there was just so much irony. And then I realized that it was okay. There was no ticket and no dent and car crash. Just a bit of bird doo that will come off with another $20. So I was grateful and happy.
So here is where it ties in to the diet. There are always two ways to look at things. Setbacks, weight gain, lack of motivation can all be bird poop on your newly washed car, or they can be a way to reassess, to take stock to put it in perspective. To say I am the healthiest and in the best shape I have ever been. I take care of myself, I am blessed with good health and 10 lbs is not the end of my life. And I still chose to watch it. It's not like I will never get my car washed again, next time I just won't park under a tree the next day.

I thank Hashem for the wonderful, working, healthy body He has given me and continues to give me every day and I pray that He gives me the strength to keep it healthy in order to serve Him to the best of my ability.
SK
PS I also pray that the birds fly south very soon :)

Be nice, please

I was really not going to blog tonight because I am tired and I did something really dumb that I do not want to confess. But, perhaps if I get it off my chest and confess it aloud it will go away.
I came home from a great gym workout and was in a mood. I had this feeling of just wanting to get into the bed and stay there for a few days with a good book and a few movies. But, alas I cannot call out sick tomorrow for a multitude of reasons.
So, I decided it would be better to be productive. I then decided that I want to make cookies for the morning meeting we have at 8am. It's an informal meeting and it would be nice to treat the group to some fresh baked cookies and I was in the mood to bake.
This happens, as She-nerd can attest to, and usually the cookies never made it out of the oven, let alone the house.
Anyway, much to my own dismay I made these delicious cookies called dishpan cookies with oatmeal and corn flakes and nuts. They are chewy and yummy! I admit that I licked more batter than I should have and I ate a few of the broken cookies.
It seems to be a theme here but I will say it again... it could have been worse. Instead of eating more and more I now have them packed away to take to work in their nice container for tomorrow and I will not, not, not, eat anymore.
I did have some points left over so it wasn't all bad, and I am just not Z that I have that much self control right now.
I notice that when I am tired my resolve weakens and I find it much harder to stay on track. I am certain we all have triggers such as that.
Therefore, I am going to bed now and I am actually glad I won't be able to read this till tomorrow afternoon when all of you have told me to stay strong and all that.
I am trying, I really am.
I just love sweets and cookies and cakes and CHOCOLATE, of course.
Be nice to me, I am fragile...

Do you think you could eat Burger King every day for lunch?

As many of my loyal followers were informed, I am no longer able to check the blog at work anymore. The company I work for has tightened their internet restrictions and now I can no longer get into blogs at work. Which makes sense intellectually but is really, really annoying. It's not like I don't do my work. I do it and I do it well. So why can't I check my blog if I am getting all my work done. I guess they want me to look for more work to do.
It will be fine as long as all of you continue to follow and are patient for my responses.
And now back to our regularly scheduled programming:
I think that in yesterday's comments people were discussing the idea of knowing what is right to eat and what is wrong. What strikes me is that for me it's not about knowing it, it's about executing. I know that asparagus is better for me than a chocolate bar, but I often would still rather eat the chocolate. For me it is so much more about self control than eating the wrong foods.
But what really gets me is when people really are uneducated about their food choices. Sometimes I will see people eating Burger King or other fast food and all I can think is that that is an entire day's worth of calories in your one meal. If I ate non kosher I am certain I would eat it on occasion, but what I do not understand is how people can order this three times a week for lunch. I just cannot fathom this at all. But I do know that it has a lot to do with what people can afford and unfortunately the unhealthy food is the cheapest and that is what people can afford so that's what they eat.
I am thankful to Hashem that I have been given the knowledge to live a healthier lifestyle and the resources to be able to afford this lifestyle. Now if only He would take away my love for chocolate...

I should have had the peanut butter bar

I am utterly frustrated and disappointed but I will blog anyway because yall deserve to know.
I went to weigh in tonight and I gained 1.6lbs (gasp, shriek). I am certain that there was a mistake but I weighed myself on two scales at work and they both said similar numbers to these.
I feel the need to justify. I was very good this week. Short of starving myself I was great. When I went to weigh in I was very bloated (vhamaivin yavin) and my stomach was killing me from the lunch I ate. I made wraps with ground turkey and grilled veggies and these new spinach tortillas that have so much fiber I think my stomach was on fiber overload. So I think that has a lot to do with the gain. Oh and of course my sweater was very heavy.
What a bummer! I kind of had this feeling that I was trying to be so open and set practical goals, and then man plans and G-d laughs! Yes, I am blaming my weight gain on G-d, at this point I feel it is justified.
But I will persevere and continue on this journey because I wore a skirt today that I have not worn since last winter and it's not perfect but it is definitely more wearable than last year. And I wore something else recently that when I first got it I could only wear with a girdle and I have now worn it sans girdle. So it is worth it to plug along and keep trying. I know it is, it is often setbacks such as these that get me off track but I am determined not to let that happen to me this time.

Look not mournfully into the past, it comes not back again. Wisely improve the present, it is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future without fear and with a manly heart.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

PS: All I could think when I saw the weight was, for 1.6 lbs I could have had at least one peanut butter bar!!!!

Freedom

Weekend Update:
I think I was pretty amazing this weekend considering the possibilities. It was such a beautiful weekend and full of elaborate meals with tons of food. I overcame. I had one piece of challah at each meal (half at Shalosh seuodos). I only ate the dessert put in front of me. I did not snack on a single cookie, cake, bar or candy. I ate salads on Motzaei Shabbos and I ran 4 miles this am at the hotel gym (as an aside the gym had the coolest treadmills ever, check this out).
I am proud to say that my friends all watched out for me and were also very good about what they ate and that certainly helped. But truly the thing that helped the most was knowing that had told you all that I wanted to lose a pound and I just did not want to come to the blog on Tues night and have to be ashamed. I still hope I am not but I really think that regardless of that I came through this weekend with flying colors.
Now I would just like to comment on a comment made at the end of last week's post.
M said something very interesting that I think is important for discussion:
Someone once said to me that while it might seem like an attitude of confidence to say, I eat what I want, who cares, I just live my life, it's really a reflection of poor self image - and it's a stronger person who says I care about myself so of course I eat right - like it becomes a thing to value.
I think this is so true and so brilliant. I also think that while this is not a blog about Judaism, there is a very similar idea in Judaism. It's the whole concept of being free to serve ourselves versus being free to serve Gd and which is considered true freedom?
When we have the option to eat whatever we want whenever we want we are slaves to our selves, we are actually slaves to our stomachs. But when we exhibit self control we are free, we say, I am not a slave to my rumbling gut, but rather I am free to eat as I see is the healthiest and best for me. It does not mean I will never eat unhealthy but I possibly will not become so out of control that I am a slave to my desires. I am not a slave to needing just another small satisfaction on my taste buds. I can treat myself better than that.
So here is to freedom from the chocolate slave!
SK